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Faith411.com - Inspirational |
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Vital information and articles related to inspiration.Mitigating Factors
Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 30, 2002 I am writing for advice on a personal dilemma of the most personal nature. I am male, mid-40s, married 20 years. After all these years, I still long to make love to my wife two or three times per week, while she seems to prefer two or three times per year, if ever. Best I can tell, she no longer enjoys making love whatsoever and hasn't for the last 10 years. While all this seems dismal, the problem I am seeking advice on is more a moral issue. First, let me make sure you know that I have been faithful to my wife since the day I met her. I would never consider sex outside my marriage vows. That goes against every moral fiber of my being. Additionally, pornographic materials and gentlemen's clubs go against my beliefs and would only make matters worse. I will say after all these years I do understand why some men succumb to weakness and fall prey to sex outside their marriage. Please do not tell me to have a meaningful conversation with my wife. I tried that and failed miserably. In February 2000, after years of trying to get through to her, I felt I couldn't take it anymore. I told her I long for the intimacy only a married couple can share. She offered no reason, except she is always tired and has too much on her plate. While I acknowledge that she shoulders plenty of responsibility with work and home, she can find the time to walk the dogs or work herself to the bone on something that can wait until tomorrow. I pleaded with her to get whatever physical, medical, emotional or psychological help she might need to get our marriage back on track. I offered to attend any sessions she felt comfortable with me participating in. I offered to do anything in our lovemaking that would make it more enjoyable for her. I told her I would not pressure her into making love, but would wait for her to let me know when she was ready. For four weeks things improved as we made love three times. However, she never sought outside help and began to fall into her old comfortable habits. Over the next 17 months we made love only another six times with most coming at my insistence. I finally gave up keeping track and gave up on her caring enough to change. Short of divorce, how do I relieve my sexual tension without compromising my beliefs and myself? Marshall Marshall, rules make sense in context. One rule most people believe in is "Thou shalt not kill." However, if you must kill a man to defend your wife and children, most people would say you haven't violated the rule. If a robber breaks into your home, collects your valuables and asks if you have anymore money, most people would say it is okay to lie. Why? Because rules only make sense in context. Otherwise the person with the lower standard always gets to win. From society's point of view, marriage is the best possible context for sexuality to be expressed. Marriage attaches sex to love and a caring, committed relationship, and two people are present to raise the children. You don't believe in divorce, yet you have contemplated adultery. Why? Because something which belongs in your marriage is not there. "Keep thee only unto him" absolutely means don't cheat, but it does not mean "Don't let him have it either." Your wife will not honestly tell you what is on her mind, and you have suggested every possible solution. As a result, you are estranged from the person you should be most closely bonded to. It is time to apply your ideas about marriage and divorce to your current specific situation and decide what is right. Rules only make sense in context. Wayne & Tamara About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
MORE RESOURCES: table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/0i-0fd=Rurl=http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/music/2008/12/03/2008-12-03_odetta_folk_singer_who_gave_voice_to_son.htmlcid=1277071964ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNHb692oL6U9uOGk8J2fFeaIkrrhewimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=oPCfHPIXpMcJimgurl=assets.nydailynews.com/img/2008/12/04/amd_odetta2.jpg width=56 height=80 alt= border=1brfont size=-2New York Daily News/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/0-0fd=Rurl=http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1266418/inspirational_folk_music_legend_odetta.htmlcid=1277071964ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNHigwLl2_GSDwrJxU2_qdvbuuwmlwbInspirational/b Folk Music Legend Odetta Dies at 77/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fAssociated Content,nbsp;COnbsp;-/font nobrDec 3, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1By Sarah F. Sullivan, published Dec 03, 2008 Odetta, the mighty-voiced folk singer and champion for the African-American civil rights movement, died Tuesday b.../b/fontbrfont size=-1a href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/0-1fd=Rurl=http://www.shewired.com/Article.cfm%3FID%3D21063cid=1277071964ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNFmOaeedvXNdScxJLbjysjti1r72wFolk Singer and Civil Rights Icon Odetta Holmes Dies/a font size=-1 color=#6f6f6fnobrSheWired/nobr/font/fontbrfont class=p size=-1a class=p href=http://news.google.com/news?sourceid=navclientie=ISO-8859-1rls=GGLG,GGLG:2005-22,GGLG:enncl=1277071964hl=ennobrall 638 news articles/nobr/a/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/1-0fd=Rurl=http://www.marketwatch.com/news/story/Inspirational-Hematologists-Honored-With-Mentor/story.aspx%3Fguid%3D%257B0EEF7475-761E-4E11-A4F2-48F848BEAF5E%257Dcid=1277290776ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNHJeEys6e6LTnDnWP5JmhN3OtkJhwbInspirational/b Hematologists Honored With Mentor Awards From the b.../b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fMarketWatchnbsp;-/font nobrDec 3, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1SAN FRANCISCO, Dec 03, 2008 /PRNewswire-USNewswire via COMTEX/ -- In recognition of the value the American Society of Hematology (ASH) places on mentorship, b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/2-0fd=Rurl=http://metrospirit.com/index.php%3Fcat%3D1211101074307265%26ShowArticle_ID%3D11020212084007803cid=1277185480ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNGr4V5CImpPMXhFpALxZP9I6rgnpgbInspirational/b women/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fMetro Spirit,nbsp;GAnbsp;-/font nobrDec 3, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Now in its second year, Anthony Page expands his Sister CEO celebration. And, in doing so, he hopes to do more than honor success stories. b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/3-0fd=Rurl=http://www.wickedlocal.com/orleans/fun/entertainment/books/x541374439/Inspirational-readings-bridge-generations-at-WHATcid=1277378274ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNFa7yqpNZFPf4eLKCBWoNXE_E93agbInspirational/b readings bridge generations at WHAT/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fWicked Local Orleans,nbsp;MAnbsp;-/font nobrDec 3, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1By Melora B. North More than 50 years ago Edward R. Murrow hosted a radio program called “This I Believe.” It wasn’ta show highlighting the talents of such b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/4i-0fd=Rurl=http://www.romfordrecorder.co.uk/content/havering/recorder/news/story.aspx%3Fbrand%3DRECOnline%26category%3DnewsRomford%26tBrand%3Dnorthlondon24%26tCategory%3Dnewsromford%26itemid%3DWeED05%2520Dec%25202008%252010%253A44%253A00%253A630cid=0ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNGCo0N9UIi17Jn2qHBpG02I6eiligimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=j3bxcDlPGOUJimgurl=www.romfordrecorder.co.uk/london24/assets/images/dynamicFeed/Blacke5385122008.P02.jpg width=80 height=57 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Romford Recorder/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/4-0fd=Rurl=http://www.romfordrecorder.co.uk/content/havering/recorder/news/story.aspx%3Fbrand%3DRECOnline%26category%3DnewsRomford%26tBrand%3Dnorthlondon24%26tCategory%3Dnewsromford%26itemid%3DWeED05%2520Dec%25202008%252010%253A44%253A00%253A630cid=0ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNGCo0N9UIi17Jn2qHBpG02I6eiligbInspirational/b Lisa visits church/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fRomford Recorder,nbsp;UKnbsp;-/font nobr5 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1A CROWD of around 200 listened to the inspiring story of a former nursery teacher whose life changed forever when machete-wielding paranoid schizophrenic b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/5i-0fd=Rurl=http://www.thedaily.com.au/news/2008/dec/05/volunteers-dedication-inspirational/cid=0ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNE9BbIMtUgSX5jdpAJukMrafmUHRQimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=9M-PcmfAKGkJimgurl=media.thedaily.com.au/img/photos/2008/12/04/volunteer_500x500_t350.jpg width=80 height=80 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Sunshine Coast Daily/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/5-0fd=Rurl=http://www.thedaily.com.au/news/2008/dec/05/volunteers-dedication-inspirational/cid=0ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNE9BbIMtUgSX5jdpAJukMrafmUHRQVolunteers dedication is binspirational/b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fSunshine Coast Daily,nbsp;Australianbsp;-/font nobr17 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1quot;Their dedication is binspirational/b and they truly do make a difference to the everyone in the hospital environment,quot; Mr Hegarty said. b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/6-0fd=Rurl=http://www.bellinghamherald.com/letters/story/699978.htmlcid=0ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNHDsP6f5RcGH2ZOt6VcxboQ9EOEPwSays PeaceHealth#39;s stance binspirational/b/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fBellingham Herald,nbsp;WAnbsp;-/font nobrDec 3, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1PeaceHealth is being resilient and unwavering, due to a moral conviction, especially in the midst of sacrifice and suffering is a quality that inspires most b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd width=80 align=center valign=topfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifa href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/7i-0fd=Rurl=http://www.extranews.net/news.php%3Fnid%3D4409cid=0ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNEDk_ECZSfmE-_Q6UHSI6f3DmXvjwimg src=http://news.google.com/news?imgefp=_Gru_TLgnggJimgurl=www.extranews.net/uploaded_pictures/4409_1.jpg width=80 height=68 alt= border=1brfont size=-2Extra Newspaper/font/a/font/tdtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/7-0fd=Rurl=http://www.extranews.net/news.php%3Fnid%3D4409cid=0ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNEDk_ECZSfmE-_Q6UHSI6f3DmXvjwbInspirational/b Gift for Any Occasion/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fExtra Newspaper,nbsp;ILnbsp;-/font nobrDec 3, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1One way to do so is with the beautiful and binspirational/b 18 karat and sterling silver jewelry available through the “My Angel” collection from Christian b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/8-0fd=Rurl=http://br.sys-con.com/node/768384cid=1277493792ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNE2vyEAHQucDrUj1ut6BA8vcJEiZAHigh Tech Wellness Inspires Louisiana/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fSYS-CON Brasil,nbsp;NJnbsp;-/font nobrDec 4, 2008/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1The site used binspirational/b team competitions and fun interactive tools to get citizens active. The focus of the program was weight loss; it offered tools b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table table border=0 width= valign=top cellpadding=2 cellspacing=7trtd valign=top class=jfont style=font-size:85%;font-family:arial,sans-serifbrdiv style=padding-top:0.8em;img alt= height=1 width=1/divdiv class=lha href=http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=Tct=us/9-0fd=Rurl=http://www.undispatch.com/archives/2008/12/sergio_to_premi.phpcid=1277538699ei=NVU5SYXdH4PK8ASjlISkCQusg=AFQjCNHkMYvwSEGvGl6x4h-PGFOynua8lwquot;Sergioquot; to Premier At Sundance/abrfont size=-1font color=#6f6f6fUN Dispatchnbsp;-/font nobr22 hours ago/nobr/fontbrfont size=-1Along with War Child#39;s DC premiere on Friday, this has been a great week for binspirational/b humanitarian films! Long before Susan Rice was Obama#39;s pick for b.../b/font/div/font/td/tr/table Inspirational - Google News |
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